A few springs ago, I was driving my family south from the Canadian Border to the Wurtz Forest Service Cabin on North Fork Road. As I slowed the rig down before the bridge at Whale Creek, a Grizzly Bear jumped out of the creek and onto the road. I slammed on the breaks and the bear eyed us wearily before walking across the bridge and then trotting down the burrow pit into the scrub pine.
I fumbled to get my DSLR camera set up and drove forward to get some pictures. I was excited and didn’t realize that the autofocus was getting the small trees in the foreground and not the bear. I was, of course, disappointed by such a missed opportunity and when I did come across those pictures always felt the pang of regret for not being a better photographer.
Winter is always a bit of a dark time for me. This winter no different. I have to make a conscious effort to focus on the things that keep my head above water. Yet, it’s a battle to do the boring things that keep me healthy and not wallow in depression, shame, and guilt.
A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at battle.
One is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery, and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred, and fear.
The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”
The grandfather quietly replies, “The one you feed.”
That bear in the picture.
He’s always out there for me. Waiting to wreck my perception, attitude, creativity, judgment, destiny, emotion, decisions and determination. That picture, I’m glad the bear is a blur in the background. He’s out there, the good and bad bears, just like the good and bad wolves.